The Joy of Silence in Conversation: An Oxymoron?



Posted: Thursday, May 14, 2009

by David Essel
David Essel, Inc.

When I mentioned to a friend the other day that sometimes I really enjoy being with someone and not talking, simply being present with them, where the conversation dwindles and we are just in each other's energy, she looked at me and said, "What? You mean being silent in conversation? David, that's an oxymoron."

And she was right. Like "jumbo shrimp", the combining thoughts of "silence" and "conversation" initially don't seem to make sense. But a deeper look opens up a whole new world of existing.

To be fully present, fully in the moment, is what everyone strives for, even if we don't know it. When we are with someone in verbal conversation, it's not always easy to be fully present. As they are speaking, most of us are at the very least subconsciously thinking about our response. And while that's not necessarily a bad thing at all if we want to go deeper in relationship with someone, if we truly desire to connect with them at "all " levels, we'll have to go to a place where there are no words spoken, yet the communication continues.

This place is very uncomfortable for most of us, as it exposes a vulnerability that we'd rather not experience. To be next to someone, maybe looking into their eyes, maybe holding their hands, maybe just looking away at a sunset or other people, and not speaking, takes confidence, security, and a real sense of self. To stay mentally and emotionally connected, to let your soul speak to theirs without words is one of the highest levels of communication that we'll ever experience. In essence, we're saying, "I want all of you. I want to sit in your energy, no words spoken and "feel" all that you have to say." Some of us can go there naturally, but in my work and my personal life, I've seen it happen most easily if we make a conscious decision with a friend or lover to create this opportunity in our lives. Where we actually talk about sitting together, for the next 5 minutes, and just experience each other at another level.

To take it a step further, if you want to do this with your partner, create a space while you're making love to do the very same thing. Slow your movements way down, ask your partner for a connection where no words are spoken, and instead feel their love as you gently make love. Stare into each others eyes, and communicate by sending love, yet without your need to do so with any form of verbal language.

Through silence, we can learn to communicate and feel our friends or partners energy at a whole new level. We can learn to experience a deeper connection, where in the stillness, love and respect reside, where our heart learns to open wider, while no words are shared and where we expose ourselves initially to a moment or two of feeling uncomfortable, maybe even to the point of embarrassment and laughter, to get to the core of who we are, and who they are: pure love.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this can create a new found depth and magic in any and all relationships that you would like to enhance. But it will only work if you try it.

Slow down.

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David Essel, Master Life, Business and Spiritual Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author, Adjunct Professor and Radio/TV Host empowers people to take charge of their lives, positively affecting the lives of many through his motivational lectures, television segments, and his belief that health is not just from the neck down. How can you create an exceptional life by honoring your mind, body and soul? Visit his website at:
http://www.davidessel.com
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